a moment of doubt

not gonna lie, starting to second guess my decision to come down to Florida...the past week has tested me to no ends..

the lack of a job, friends, cash, and the feeling that i am under foot staying with close friends is starting to get me down. i have to admit that i lied to myself in order to get myself here...i let myself believe that i would have no problem finding a job when i arrived....in retrospect, this was a bad idea, and not at all being honest to myself.

i have spent the past 2-3 weeks pounding the pavement quite diligently filling out applications everywhere i could and trying very hard to get noticed above all the other people desperately looking for employment. shit is hard here...especially right now...seems as though i have arrived right in the middle of the down season around here...i got here when everyone else seems to have left...which is not making it easy to find a job...i keep hearing "we wont be hiring for the winter season for another couple weeks" over and over again, and my patience is wearing thin...

i also miss everyone in michigan terribly. my son, my mother, and the full circle especially. i find myself thinking of everyone quite a bit.

i hate feeling like i have made a mistake...maybe i just am getting discouraged that things have not worked out the way i was hoping they would...maybe i have to suck it up and make it work, somehow....i got myself here, now it's time to make something happen...but what happens if i cant make something happen...what happens if i got all this all wrong...what happens if somewhere, i made a wrong turn..

it's hard to not feel lost sometimes. I just hope that the path presents itself once again....and soon...because i hate feeling like this.

i am sure everything will happen exactly how it should...it usually does.....i just have to get right with it.