The past week or so has been kind of a blur, I'm finding it really hard to focus these days after the passing of my Father. There was so much unfinished business, so much more water to get underneath the bridge. We had made up alot of ground in my adult years however, I'm very thankful for that. He would make a habit of calling me on holidays and on my birthdays and I would try hard to call him from time to time as well. This was progress for the two of us.
We spent many years with alot of shit between the two of us. I held alot of grudges. I wish I would have let them all go. I tried sometimes, but he had a tendency of making those efforts difficult. He was a very stubborn man, very set in his ways. He did what he wanted and made no excuses (remind you of anyone?). I think I did start to get to know him to a certain extent in the past couple years, if even just a little.
The last time I spoke to him was right around my birthday last month. He called to say Happy Birthday and to tell me how proud he was of me and the photographic work I had been doing recently. He was beaming with pride, and for one of the first times he really expressed it in abundance to me. It meant alot. I am so very glad, especially now, that I have that to remember. It means the world to me. In that conversation, he had offered to give me his photographic equipment, which I turned down. I knew how much he enjoyed taking pictures, the same as I. He took alot of beautiful images throughout the years. Many of which I could easily envision myself taking. I couldn'tve possibly taken that from him.
Several weeks later...and I have it anyway. I'm still very hesitant to use it.
All my life I had always tried to downplay the similarities between him and I. I failed to recognize the extent to which those similarities extended. So much of me came from him. I know that now. I will embrace it. I will remember him always and live on in his memory.
I love you Dad. I am just like you. I will miss you.
(the images in this post are all his.)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment