When it rains....well, apparently it also pours....

i feel like posting some of my earlier writings today. i haven't written stuff like this in awhile, so i wanted to share some of the old stuff with you, if you were inclined to be curious, that is....

these are some of my favorite scribblings.

enjoy.

A note to those who make decisions for the rest of us

if there is a god

you should all repent

you should all confess

all the sins you've spent

all the wrongs, all the lies

all the chemicals

that fill the skies

all the pollution

all the war

all this shit

yet you all want more

you have televised the death

to desensitize us all

the bigger they come...

fall big men... fall.

The devil's advocate

i cannot subscribe to any of this

i do not suggest we proceed

i don't feel the urge to carry on this way

i really don't feel the need

but sometimes the world, it just seems to spin that way

sometimes the planets all align

every once in awhile the right circumstances find themselves

and the devil's advocate wins his time

Half the shell

what you see is only

half the shell

you cannot see the place

from which i fell

you cannot see this energy

that grows within me

the creative juice

that flows within me

the inside conflict

that seems to haunt me

all the inside feelings

that seem to taunt me

all these things

make me the man i am

the good, the glad,

the sad i am

the bright, the dark,

the bad i am.

No one there to clap

my heart speaks in emotions

i just write them onto a page

i dont question it

i just translate the rage

i dont reach for inspiration

it just falls into my lap

i dont beg for the applause

because theres no one there to clap

Someday

im so tired

of waiting on

someday.

one day,

i want someday

to be now.

i want all

the loose ends...

to align,

somehow.

i want

all these things

and i want

them right now

i'm so sick

of waiting

i'm so sick

of someday

i'm gonna get

some "right now"

and make someday

go away.

The confidence I lack

i've lost my breath,

 i have to get it back

i have to replenish

all this confidence i lack

i need to get up

i need to find my way

i need to find some fucking sunshine

within this god damned day

maybe i need hope

maybe i need faith

maybe i need to see

that we all can be something great

maybe i need love

maybe i need hate

maybe i just need

to decide my own fate 

April 10th, 2011....'Twas a foggy morning in Wyandotte

Man it was a great morning so far. Woke up to a very foggy pre-sunrise day just outside my front window. I love mornings like that. The time was around 5:30am, I had plenty of time to work on the usual trifecta of morning time chemical dependencies, catch up on what is being passed off as the morning news, get dressed, grab my camera, and head out into the haze and fog for some good pictures.

I plugged into my super loud bad ass headphones (which were pumping the likes of Rocco Deluca, Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds, Smashing Pumpkins, Deftones, Radiohead, Led Zeppelin, The Black Keys, and The Pack AD), grabbed my camera and made my way down Eureka towards Downtown.

Pictures made themselves clear immediately. I find they usually do, when I let them.

As I walked around Bishop Park, I found myself "Home". Not technically speaking, of course, I do not live at Bishop Park...but man, do I feel at home there. I have become so familiar with this place. I have grown a deep affection for it. It is always here for me, and it usually offers exactly what I find myself in need of at that given point in time....whether it be peace or solace or pride....or just a beautiful atmosphere to relax within.

The rest of the images taken this morning can be found here for public viewing:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2105689&id=1067659183&l=9b0bb58813

enjoy the day. much love.

-kcl

i was just thinking ..

we are a society built around consumerism and marketing strategies, we have a pill for nearly anything that ails you...and they let you know about these drugs by advertising them on television..constantly.....why, do you ask, do they advertise medications on television? shouldn't my doctor tell me if i need to take this medication?...yes, but unfortunately, the majority of the masses do not have health care in this great powerful country of ours...they dont have a doctor to tell them what to take to fix them...because all it takes is a pill to fix anyone these days y'know... and because of the lack of medically covered citizens, the internet has come up to the challenge of medicating our public...thus the commercials...the endless commericals of these medications that seem to cause more symptoms than they cure.....the pharmacuetical companies put tv ads on the air to advertise for their online drug dealer counterparts...plain and simple...there is no other reason for these commercials..in my humble opinion at least....i could be wrong....i have been in the past...

Excuse me while I explode....

At one point, I think we all come to a place in our lives where we are forced to decide what a "successful" life entails so that we may align ourselves to that marker. I think I did this long ago, and that may be a problem....you see, I am not a very responsible person....not in the way that many would consider...I never have aligned myself to the popular perceptions of the world and the way it should be, or for that matter, the popular perceptions of what "success" means within it.

(just a little FYI: I hate money. I believe it is the worst thing to have ever diseased our planet. I hate the whole concept Anyone who knows me knows this and has probably been witness to one of my "fuck money" rants, but for those for you that haven't , here goes: strap yourselves in...oh yeah...if you do not approve of the wonderful word "fuck"... I would suggest you stop reading here...I go off for a bit on a great little "anti-money rant" here for the rest of this blog posting...and I tend to swear alot when approaching this subject...just an FYI...)

Fuck money. Fuck the fact that people starve because they don't have it. Fuck the fact that money gets in between people that would normally love and cherish each other. Fuck money because it controls us all. Fuck it all to hell. Fuck the fact that we live in a world of liars and thieves because of this world system, who usually hold power over the rest of us because of their ability to control others. You cant fault them you know, we instigate this behavior as a society...we condone it...it's the only way to get ahead. This system of profit requires us to take advantage of each other. Fuck the fact that millions die every year because they do not have the income to pay for their medications or the treatments that would ultimately save their lives, and fuck a world that allows these things to take place.

So, my question is this: what is a measure of success when money is your enemy?...and should money be any measure of success in the first place? It has never been for me. I have concentrated instead on building the relationships with the people around me, the people who mean something....who have always been there. I concentrate instead on self expression...to try to show the world what it could be if we all just decided that it could be. I concentrate on trying to be a good example for my son, a living example, and not a hypocritical one if I can help it.


Here's a great question....

What if everything was free? Imagine that. Money didn't exist. If you need something, go get it. Would that be so bad? A resource based economy worldwide.

just a thought.....


ok.....I feel better now.....thanks for reading.

interesting stats about you guys...

My Audience2010 May – 2011 March

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Being single aint easy....maybe it's just me.

An empty conversation

leading to assumed conclusions

steals the air from the room, 

and I graciously

fall back down the ladder

from which I have made no progress.

Maybe there are no ghosts in this room...

..maybe there was no life to begin with.

Maybe it's time to move the ladder...

or maybe just put it away.

It was a pretty surreal thing, receiving the cremated remains of my Father within a Flat Rate Shipping Box from my postal worker this afternoon. Everything He was, just a month ago, now fits within a small black box delivered by registered mail.

One day, I'm going to be in a box like that. I always liked to think that I was going to live forever, I tell my son this all the time.

"I am Immortal." I tell him at every question of my passage through time. He thinks it's funny. He loves to call me Old Man. (Well, he used to, until I started nut tapping him every time he did so. It's all in fun...I don't get him 'good', I really just hold it over his head for awhile)

The death of a parent, even one that may not have been so close, has a way of making you stare your own mortality directly in the face, it has a way of humbling and grounding you. At least it has me. My father and I weren't very close. I really barely knew him outside of my limited experiences with him as a child and then here and there as an adult. He really did his own thing. I know he was proud of me, because he told me so. But I really wish he would have been there and played a larger role in my upbringing. In all honesty, I spent more time with my aunts and uncles and my grandparents than I did him. Now, I'm not writing this to dog him and step on his name, I'm saying this because that's just the way it is and was. It is what it is.

There has been some disagreement with the choice to not pay for an obituary, which costs $200 for a Sunday edition, which is unfortunate. I just didn't see the point. I'm sorry, but I no longer see the relevance of an obituary, and in all honesty, shit man, times are tough..$200 is alot of money these days, and I don't think that an obituary is any way of "honoring" a family member. In a paper that will be tossed away and forgotten? These things should be passed by word of mouth, from family member to family member and from friend to friend in my opinion. Am I wrong in this thinking?

And as far as honoring his name and memory, I got his fucking name tattooed on my forearm....that aint going nowhere...thats there for life. And I honor his memory, in my mind, every time I take a shot from his camera, or every time I listen to his music collection, or stare with admiration at his photography. I honor him by being a better father than he was. I honor him by loving his grandson as best as I can. (It is because of him, That my relationship with my son is so strong.)

I honor him every day that I realize how alike him and I really were.

I just had to get that off my chest, This blog might get personal from time to time...but it's my blog. I apologize for nothing.